Stockholm Syndrome: Your Boss' Weapon Against You & Easiest Form of Mind Control

 https://www.britannica.com/science/Stockholm-syndrome

"The survival instinct is at the heart of the Stockholm syndrome. Victims live in enforced dependence and interpret rare or small acts of kindness in the midst of horrible conditions as good treatment."

 *Straight from the mouths of those with PhDs in Psychology and psychiatrists won't and don't disagree that Stockholm explains why we KNOWINGLY allow our bosses to use us to break laws, and treat us like expendable trash. To him you're like the gum that lost its flavor, spit out and replaced with a new piece of gum; doomed to lose its flavor and spit out. He might let you slide because of an illness, extreme family emergencies but the reality is, you're just as worthless to him as someone he hired and fired a week later without explanation; whose name is already forgotten before she's even gone. 

 *Their powers of manipulation know no bounds. They'll let it slide that you're late once if you're usually early. Maybe let you off on a fine for missing because you've not missed a day in 2 years. Your loyalty, dedication and work ethic are all programmed into you over time; and the only reason is fear. They make you fear losing your job if you're a minute and a half late. They need you ready and making THEM their money by the time they open. You're literally the horse that will never get the carrot, because your boss will always keep you just far enough away to run on that same fear even if you have a "great relationship" with them. 

Yes, dancers who do their job (we shouldn't need a list of rules.. Club etiquette and decorum should NEVER have been left to the new generation of dancers. I remember the silent rule that you ALWAYS ACT PROFESSIONAL NO MATTER THE JOB!) In this case, dancers who never break rules. They're so programmed to run on nothing but fear that you'll notice they're more compulsive than most. Always being on time. Never missing shifts. On stage they're the ones dancing their asses off and sweating for one idiot who's not watching. They've never been fined because they're so afraid of losing $100 or more because their kids were being difficult and the anxiety of possibly giving the club what's left of rent or phone bill; and then go into full on crisis mode if they're 5 minutes late. All that to be told, "It's fine". 

 *That's ALL mental abuse or the effects thereof. Why are you always defending your "awesome" manager? He never makes you pay if you're late? That's because you're late exactly NEVER! No fine for havig to go home early? That's probably because you ALREADY put in 50 hours that week! Picked up extra days. None of that, however, compares to the harsh reality that dancers who are forced to follow through with a sexual act or lose their tip and their job, because they agreed to something they never intended to follow through on.. Naïve to think she'll take the extra cash and not show up to whatever location.. That can go 3 ways..

1) The former scenario, which is a legitimate trafficking charge, especially given the demands most club owners have regarding work rules and behavior. Don't think for one second that a contest to win whatever for selling the most dances isn't SOLELY because they need dancers to get off their phones and work. That would normally be okay except they're not worried about you, the person killing yourself to make money, they need you to hustle so they can keep their lights on and the club running. The fact that nobody has put a stop to this is no longer acceptable! 

2) She'll lose her job.

3) She's arrested for solicitation of prostitution, which doesn't take anything more than the exchange of money in AGREEMENT, the deed is irrelevant; the solicitation part is done. This is in part federal and MOSTLY varies state to state. However, ANY sexual acts during a private dance is indeed illegal because you're getting paid for the dances. An undercover cop will arrest dancers, then cite the club for not controlling the problem; and there's the demise dancers who do their jobs the way they're meant to are so angry. Assault and prostitution are on the rise within clubs and most of us NEVER wanted this. We fought it. Most still do! In the end, you're in handcuffs.

 *You can never make people like you but you can make them fear you. 95% of dancers reading this are rolling their eyes, coming up with a retort or mad. I used to do that to when I heard people like me talk this way.. It was just more Stockholm.. Fear and intimidation under the guise of encouragement and "allowed" to be there anytime.. As long as you work your actual schedule. They save that part for later. This is when they either run or try.


 *Take a look around your club. What do you see in the top five "favorites" who SEEM TO GET SPECIAL TREATMENT {"seem" being the operative word here}? Do they all share the same personality? Is that why? Nope! In fact, it's a safe bet that at least two, if not all, hate each other. After all, someone has to be "Queen Bee", right? Who do you think is competing with whom for that spot? All five of them, and they can call each other "family" or say "I love you" all they want, for years; deep down inside they don't have any love for each other at all. How can someone who spent years in that position say that with such certainty? Your answer is in the question. 

 *Scroll back to the top. Do you see it now? Again, why are those five random girls the favorite? Why are they stabbing each other in the back, I thought they were the queens of the club and BFFs? Unless that's an acronym for "bitchy fake females", no, no and dear God NO! Stripper friendships are a myth when they're in the same building. The ones who happen to have real friendships aren't the rule, they're the exception and likely don't see one another as competition; which BTW, your ONLY real competition is YOU! If you haven't noticed by now, "pretty" doesn't automatically mean more money. We all know it takes a lot of very hard work, because we're hustling to pay the boss' mortgage and club overhead; talk about proving the most cliche definition of "insanity" right. Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. 

 *Veteran strippers, step back and just keep it together for a bit longer before telling me all the ways I'm wrong; I've used and/or heard them all a thousand times over. "Not my manager. He/She is *insert bullshit adjective here*. We're way past that. Just because I danced for a decade never meant I wasn't doing other things. Most people who know me well had no idea I was working on a dissertation for a future doctorate, let alone that that's why I never "quit if it's so bad". The "bad" is what led to my doing a lot of good. From a psychological, sociological and anthropological standpoints, most of the aforementioned statements are already true; it's just that nobody has applied these findings to the myriad psychological dichotomies within strip clubs.

 *People make jokes that we're all working out our "daddy issues", but the reality is worse than the fiction, as is par for the course. It's subconsciously reliving trauma over and over again, while letting a new kind of abuser into your life and the worst kind. Someone who will prey on your individual and combined weaknesses to not only control everything you do, but even manipulated you into signing a piece of paper allowing him to do so.

***TO BE CLEAR, I'M USING THE MALE OWNER/FEMALE EMPLOYEE EXAMPLE BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST COMMON IN THE ALMOST 4,000 CLUBS IN THE UNITED STATES & NOBODY BATS AN EYE. THAT DOESN'T MEAN GIVE UP! STRIPPERS ARE BY FAR THE STRONGEST AND MOST RESILIENT BITCHES ON EARTH***

 *I have never once said we are weak. We're warriors and survivors, but let's make something very clear, I'm here to END violence and sexual assault inside clubs; and that means following not only the rules, but solicitation laws. The ONLY way to cut off an addict is to cut off the supply, and that means NOBODY will ever feel forced to BELIEVE ASSAULT IS NORMAL AND THAT YOUR CONSENT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OKAY FOR MEN TO USE YOU; IT MEANS YOU NEED MEN LIKE THAT TO STOP MAKING YOU FEEL GUILTY OR TRAPPED!! Customers and owners alike use MONEY to manipulate YOU. 

 *That's another double edged sword that we all know too well. "You can't keep your money until you pay house and tips".... "I'm not tipping you unless you...........". I have yet to get an argument that sticks. There is quite literally zero difference between those two statements. The words are slightly different and the reasons for threatening you are fueled by different reasons, but at the very core they're identical. In most places, legality aside, touching breasts has become a "normal" part of the job. When most of your coworkers DO indeed do worse, all you can do is give up because allowing them to grab ass, breasts and talk to you like dirt it n obligation; never actually your choice. Though I'm sure that's what every manager ever has said.. Listen to the inflection in their tone.. It's not an option, they just try to make you think so. 

 *That ship sailed and sunk! You have no use for a bridge so why are you buying it? Let me guess, "allowing guests to touch anything not covered in fabric - aka what's under your g-string- is YOUR CHOICE".... Let me light the match... you just got played. That "choice" your boss told you you have, while donning a sincere smile, I'm sure, doesn't exist. THAT CHOICE WAS TAKEN AWAY THE VERY SECOND YOUR BOSS SAID IT WAS OKAY..FOR GUYS TO DO!!!

 *Don't even try to argue or defend anything or anyone. You're "encouraged" and participate in contests under the guise of making you the most money.. Let's revisit our five aforementioned work frienemies, shall we? Now what do you see? ***30 y/o jaded dancer to impressionable child aka the 18 y/o who was 17 forty-eight hours prior to walking through the thresholds of hell*** "Oh you get used to it...", you so insensitively say, as you're conditioned to do so by none other than a glorified pimp; your "coolest boss ever" is a manipulative douche!! The "It" everyone says is "just part of the deal"  being men slapping you, men trying to molest or sexually assault you in some way and the inappropriate sexual contact that IS allowed and "no big deal". "Oh he took it out and ejaculated?" *laughter* Go clean up and change. You're fine. Calm down!"

 *Need I remind everyone, ESPECIALLY OTHER WOMEN, of "our bodies/our choice"?! DO defend sex workers. That's THEIR decision and none of your fucking business! DON'T drag a dude through hell for BUMPING INTO YOU and get him on a registry that ruins his life while SAYING IT'S OKAY FOR STRIPPERS TO BE CONSTANTLY HARASSED!! That whole "rape is never a woman's fault" is only contingent on your lifestyle. You WILL always hear "You asked for it". So the NEXT TIME you feel the pain of those words, remember that you inflict that exact pain and WISH them to be hurt by men anyone else would immediately have arrested!

*I have been watching this for years.. Even the women who take pole classes and dress like strippers are better and too good for our job. They have no empathy but they're the same women who CRY when a man says something rude. They could never handle a day in a club but that is NO excuse for this to have gotten so out of hand! Dancers are hanging on by a thread, if the prostitution and trafficking doesn't come to an end; EVERY DANCER'S JOB WILL!!!!!! THAT'S A FACT!

 *Signing a fake contract already means literally signing a piece of paper prohibiting your freedom when it says you're completely free, which is why any sane person signs contracts; but are only legally binding if they're real or legitimate. Dancers on schedules who get fired are employees. Ask your local IRS or DOL director. Or just go on their websites.. speaking of, the IRS has a form called 3949-A- To report mislabeling and false labor practices. There are at least 3 boxes EVERY STRIPPER can check off and they're inevitable if you signed a contract, have ANY work restrictions and demands placed on you and you know the law by now. I don't need to, nor do I want to repeat it. You know what you need to do, and it's not what you think.. 

 *You need to stop making excuses BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID because that fear is unnecessary and it's just one symptom of your own version of Stockholm. That crippling fear was put there by someone you're loyal to and maybe even trust. Like it or not, we ALL have some form of it and it came directly from the monsters we served, respected, were enslaved to and psychologically manipulated to stay in the boss's top five favorites. Again, I was one of those types, I just won't say which. Most Lucrative. Most Loyal. Most Dependable. Most Attractive. Fuck toy.

That's it. No crossing two of them. The boss programmed his army of five to remain under his spell but they all serve their own purpose. The most loyal doesn't mean she's guaranteed to always be at work. She's the one that, no matter what, stays the "favorite". You probably hate her more than the girl who never misses work and seems to get "special leniency" for missing a shift you just got fined for missing, also. In reality she's so terrified of ever getting fired that she'll work with a broken toe and the flu! That doesn't mean she tells the boss everything or that she can't be trusted. Maybe there's a sliver of humanity in the boss that makes him give her a pass for missing a shift once every few years. Shifts she KNOWS she shouldn't have to be forced to work, let alone punished for missing if her kid is in the ER.. That's ALL fear. Yet we apologize profusely.. That's sick to think about.

 *Now for the enigma... the girl that makes more than anyone else every single day. Sometimes she's hot, but so insecure that she tells guys she won't dance with them anymore if they give anyone else money; when they could make a lot more if they tried. Or she's society's textbook definition of "unattractive" and rakes in thousands a week. My guess is she's either really talented and confident in herself, or she has her own ways to manipulate  men to empty wallets. Regardless of what girl you are, what reasons you made up to justify something or who's cuter than whom; all of US run on the boss's whims. His rules. His girls. His club.. His hierarchy. A fighter makes herself irreplaceable. One day when she's gone, everyone will feel a shift in the atmosphere. Be the one they never forget!

 *The arrogant borderline rape defender owns a smelly building that the CDC would shut down and the IRS is going to own one day, along with the home YOU bought for him, the cars we all partly own... The club YOU MAKE SURE STAYS OPEN SO HE CAN KEEP RUNNING GIRLS THROUGH ON A MEAT GRINDER is a very easy prison to escape.. Once you can't take it anymore. For many it takes YEARS because we hold on to the hope that we MIGHT ENJOY IT AGAIN ONE DAY! Another delusion, I'm afraid. If you love it and don't want this misery to continue, ONLY YOU CAN END IT!

***STOP DEFENDING YOUR ABUSER***

 *You've done and undergone enough personal trauma to last a lifetime. That pain, whatever it is, be it guilt, shame or anger; you don't need to punish yourself for shit that was 100% not your fault by being subservient to a narcissist, ashamed of being a stripper or angry that you're not where you want to be. Breaking free is the EASY part, it's making the choice that's impossible and typically nobody leaves the industry prepared to do so. We're never ready So...

 *Look at the five girls you wish you were part of.. Singled out because they're the most broken, destroyed and depressed, making them vulnerable; NOT WEAK. The one that has it easiest, the girl who makes HIM more than anyone else will NEVER be the fuck toy and she's neither loyal nor dependable. She's someone you should not get advice from as a baby stripper and she'll use everyone she can by manipulating them. She pays him not to pay attention... That's why nobody fires her when she breaks rules. This girl exists in nearly every club and you will ALWAYS find yourself questioning her because the bitch is a narcissist, what's worse, babies taking advice from the WORST person because the boss says "she's our top earner".. He just lit another match... So.. when I say, the five soldiers are always there, rarely changing and seem like they'll die there, why do you strive for that? 

 *Call it indentured servitude, modern day slavery, etc. You're a part of it no matter where you stand. So pick one..
1) So self loathing and narcissistic that you DGAF whom you hurt just to make more money?
2) So terrified to lose your miserable job just because you happen to make more than hourly jobs, have a thousands excuses not to be able to and allow someone evil to fill a void left by evil? You're made to feel too valuable. You ARE too valuable to them, for selfish reasons.
3) Hired to take the place of the last dancer who brought customers in and be just as easily replaced? If someone that your boss decides is better fit, she'll be in the entourage for his sake. They'll never fuck. She won't. She's a safety net.
4) The fuck toy? I hope I don't have to remind people of why THAT'S a no!!
5) Backup walking dollar sign? Second best earner because there's one thing you won't do that the other one will; break rules and give up any PERSONAL moral integrity you might have. Stay in spot two.. The other option never ends well for anyone. Not a single person in the building.

 *So.. Why do you treat with respect someone who covertly abuses his power over you daily? Power he legally doesn't have, I may add. He wields that sword and we obey. Isn't that what you were trying to avoid when being a contractor dancer? Just stop. I lied to myself for years but I felt like trash until I took control, realized I'm worth more than my weight in gold and showed the world the REAL trash in this industry.. The misogynistic greedy borderline human traffickers are one blink away from entering the illegal human flesh trade.

 *Some do... I certainly don't enjoy being some sadists test dummy and neither should you! There are a few legal protections that actually keep you from getting fired.. For starters, get your shit together and SAY SOMETHING!!! ONLY remain silent if you're gonna keep complacent and miserable. There is NO excuse in the world worth losing your dignity over and nobody has any right to take away your humanity.. Which is exactly what's been done to us ALL! Sociey's stigmas were NEVER supposed to imprint on us! Self respect is how you get respect!

 Still think you want to be high on the radar? Do it for a GOOD reason, not money or handing over your pride. Keeping someone worthless happy! Almost sounds dysfunctional... Probably because IT IS!! 

 I STFU long enough to realize I'm the ONLY voice many dancers have and I'd do them all a disservice if I didn't remain honest. Stop making excuses. We can't rebuild a broken industry if half the people in it are so afraid to be happy or whole again, they'd rather remain complacent; or the general fear of the unknown. This will sting but I don't lie..

You're selfish! Your KIDS NEED YOU TO NEED A BETTER EXISTENCE!!! BE STRONGER AND MAKE THEM PROUD!! If not for you, then for them. So place SOME value on your life! WAKE UP!! You're hurting people TRYING TO HELP YOU! The shit you bitch about daily??? WE STOPPED BITCHING AND STARTED DOING! Join the fight or be silent! You're not helping. Do I even need to go on??

I'M HAPPY TO BE HERE EVEN FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT DESERVE IT!! Make no mistake.. Even I can be pushed away FOREVER!! It's hard, but I let go when people start to make me drown after taking my own life vest. My loyalty is NOT blind nor finite. We can sit back and RISK ALL NEARLY 4,000 CLUBS TO SLOWLY SHUT DOWN! Or, do something to fight for YOUR JOB!! YOUR LIVES!! Better 1,000 go down and 3,000 stay open than allow this industry to become obsolete! Dancing is a dying art, our clubs are ruined and we just want them back! No more illegal or shady shit! That will NEVER happen as long as nobody speaks up. Now is the time to turn all that fear into ANGER!!!

YOU'RE NOT ANGRY AT YOUR BOSS FOR LITERALLY USING FEAR AND INTIMIDATION TO MAKE YOU WORK HARDER SO HE HAS MORE MONEY TO TAKE?! Seriously?! How are you okay with that?! THAT is exactly why we're stuck and we allowed the outside world to have too much control.

It's over.... Game on!



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